Thursday, 14 July 2011

To Poo or Not To Poo? That is The Question!

Image sourced from Google

Ok so over the past few weeks the topic of using the bathroom in front of your other half has popped up quite a few times in conversation. Up until this point I liked to consider myself quite an easy going, relaxed and open minded girlfriend until some of my friends said that it’s ok to have a poo in front of your Boyfriend.

Call me a Prude or whatever the hell you like, but I was absolutely horrified at the thought of this, as I personally think that you’ve got to draw the line somewhere and if you’re unsure of where that line should be… I would suggest you draw it here!
Like I said I consider myself to be easy going and open minded but I draw the line of relationship etiquette at peeing and farting in front of each other. I have friends who wouldn’t even dare take a shit in their boyfriends’ toilet with the door locked and the music on blast let alone fart in front of him! Now to me that’s Prude title worthy behaviour!

Every relationship has that stage of not being able to fart in front of the other person, as the fear of the smell and sound takes over, so you opt to hold it in and watch your belly swell with wind, until you can’t take it anymore because the chances of any sexy time with all that going on are pretty slim to none, so you strategically inject your exit plan. But as you spend more and more time with each other, your exit plans will become more and more unnecessary, so you just have to swallow your pride and let one rip and pray to God that their sense of humour is good enough to have a laugh (with you) about how bad your arse smells! And if they are simply repulsed by your behaviour then consider it a good test for your relationship, because if they can’t even have a laugh about such natural behaviour then may the forces be with you.

So how is farting and having a number two in front of your significant other so different that one deserves a pass where the other does not even require a test for the result of a big fat FAIL!
Both bodily activities are natural I’ll give you that, but farting can be funny where pooing is a very private and personal thing. Honestly do you really enjoy taking a relaxing bath of a refreshing shower for your lover to burst into the bathroom, pants down and all blast off? How! And again I ask how can you look at them again through sexy eyes?!

Pooing is such a detailed thing that should only between you and the toilet and in extreme cases your doctor. I do not under any circumstances think you need to share this relationship between you and your arse between you and your hottie! When I explained this to my friend she asked me “but what if they really need to go?” erm this is why you move in to a place with two toilets so that when one is occupied the other is waiting to attend to your needs! If you don’t have a house with two toilets then here’s what you do… Before taking a long sensual bath you ask if anyone needs to go to the loo, and if by chance during your bath time you find your partner at the door demanding you let them in because their arse is about to explode… you get out of the bath, Kiss your teeth and let them in while you wait outside an incense stick ready and burning!

This is not extreme behaviour; this is Relationship Etiquette Behaviour (REB). I could not take a dump in front of a man and then expect him to find me to be a sexy motherfucker later on that night, week or month! And there is no way that a man could do the same in front of me and expect me to have a ‘let’s get it on and poppin’’ attitude later that night, week or month!

I am a firm believer that you should always be 100% comfortable in any mental and physical relationship that you have. But I also believe that you have to be careful not to get 1000% comfortable, because for me this is right up there with ‘I’m just gonna let it ALL hang out 24/7!’ attitude, and that my friends should never be the case!

There are certain things in a relationship that I believe should remain a mystery and the sound of your shit and the faces that you pull whilst taking one should be one of them! (Can you even imagine if it was similar to the sex face they pull? I would die!!!)

This is not to say that if my other half was to ever one day become ill and literally could not even wipe their own behind, that I would think twice about doing it for them, because that just how strong my love is! But if you are fully bodied and abled I expect you to deal with your shit in private by yourself!

Maybe one day my outlook on this will change but until then keep your shit to your self-lovers!
Love Sara (A lady who just realised she’s a bit more Lady Like than she thought!) xxxx

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