Wednesday, 7 September 2011

Relationships vs. Tolerationships

Everywhere I seem to turn these days I find myself playing a game of spot the relationship or should I say spot the REAL –ationship.

When you’re a kid you’re it’s funny how you’re completely unaware of the relationships around you and what they actually represent, it’s only when you get older that you start to see that not all these relationship are filled with the same ingredients as they I appeared to be when you were young.

Call me naïve but I thought that relationships were supposed to be about love, happiness, respect, loyalty, support and then some, as well as the hard work… Let’s face it, even the most loving relationships have their bad days, but I thought that the good days were supposed to outweigh the bad?

Sometimes I feel like the world has gone completely soft! It’s as though people are afraid of fighting or even trying for the things that make them truly happy. I was raised to never settle for less and to never allow people to walk all over me (No matter how nice their shoes may be), so perhaps that’s why for the love of moi I cannot understand people who choose to be in these Toleration-ships rather than find the real happiness of what a relationship can bring.

Living in the world that we live in it is inevitable that we are surrounded by healthy and unhealthy relationships between lovers, friends, siblings, parents and kids and so on, but in there comes a time when a relationship that was once so sweet, gone sour, needs to be put to bed.

Spending the majority of my adolescent and young adult years as a single gal in the city, some people would probably say that I should put a sock in it, that I’m no-one to talk and that I should actually go find a relationship to be in before I throw my 2 pence in. And to a certain extent who can blame them, because if there’s one thing I know, it’s that each relationship is different and what people may advise others to do is not always necessarily what they would do themselves, so sometimes it is just better to butt out and leave people to it, but when you, everyone around you and the cat down the road can see that a relationship between two people who you consider near and dear is toxic, sometimes that outsiders view just needs to be put out there as food for thought that may eventually grow into the appropriate action.

There are so many factors of what makes people stay rather than leave, but to me these are all excuses for people who are afraid to face their fear of the unknown, in my opinion it’s always better to try then wake up one day full of regret of the things that could’ve, should’ve and would’ve been if you had just faced you fear and put your happiness first.

Although I make leaving sound so easy I get that there are people that ‘think’ that they can’t break away from a relationship because perhaps there are kids involved, or maybe they went through a lot together so they feel like they owe it to the other person in the relationship to stay, or they ‘think’ that there is no one out there in the wilderness who will love them the way they want and deserved to be loved? Excuse, Excuse Excuse!!! I don’t believe in staying together for the sake of the kids because you should never raise your children in a lie. Holding on to a dead relationship is pointless, respect it for what is was and know that no one will ever take that persons place, because whatever it was that was shared was unique to that relationship, therefore can never be recreated with anyone else, and lastly if there was no one else out there for you, leaving would never have crossed your mind.

Everyone deserves to find their happiness in life so if you haven’t found yours with in the relationships that you’re in then I suggest you do something about it, maybe the both of you are unhappy or maybe it’s just you, but if the feelings not mutual does that mean you should stay? You may be afraid of hurting someone if you leave, but what good are you really doing them if you stick around and can’t be and won’t be the person that you should be to them? Let them go so that you can both find what you really deserve in life.

As an outsider to relationships it’s easy to tell it like it is as a detached person, it’s not always a nice job but I for one am sick and tired of seeing the people around me that I care about settle for less or being manipulated by the person that they are in a relationship with solely for their own benefit.

As kids we are constantly told ‘don’t be selfish’ and it’s because of this that through life we learn to be selfless people (well some of us), but there comes a time in life when in order to be truly happy we have do what we were told not to… BE SELFSIH! Put your needs first and if you feel taken advantage of, abused, un-happy or just out of love, ask yourself if this… is this REALLY what you want?

Being single sometimes can be beyond shitty, but I’d rather be single than stuck in a Toleration-ship with the dull look of unhappiness written on my face, because I’ve seen it and let me tell you that no amount of make up or Oscar worthy performances can hide the weight of an unhappy heart . I’d much rather continue on my journey to a real partnership with someone that makes me glow in a way that not even the most expensive cosmetics could do.

Toleration-ships are an easy trap to fall into, and sometimes when loneliness strikes they are an appealing and convenient trap to climb into, but just like the Yakult advert says, ‘Listen to your gut’, and if your gut says it ain’t right then 9/10 it ain’t right. Just think, you would never tell one of your friends or family to settle for less than they are worth, so why should you? Know your worth and shoot for the stars.

*Image sources from google

Love Sara (A little lady with dreams of Real Love). xxx

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